Click PUMA Bawl banner to Help Plan the Bawl
I'm a man damnit. Stupid by definition
It's true. I'm male and I'm trying to be a feminist.
By the very definition this seems like a joke, but it's not. Supporting and working my fat ass off for a woman candidate for President opened my eyes. The fact that my first reason for supporting her is that she's a mother also comes into play as I try and work through this change in attitude.
I'm not doing well at the change, I'm a guy and of course I've screwed up royally. Follow me on the flip side as I look at a recent serious back slide that may have cost me a friend.
So here I am the master of my website. Webmaster actually because that's what I do for a living. Anyway. Most of you who have been along for the last year or two know that I'm a lover of women. I fully admit to a like of the porn and I do love the stripper ladies of Las Vegas. I wrote extensivly about them in two Cheeto posts before the first primary. Visit that link please and from there you can read about my stripper research. Those Mary Magdalene's of the night are wonderful women and mothers working hard every day in order to help their children to grow.
That's who I am. I believe more than ever that we need a mother in charge. I believe in women and a revival of the equal rights amendment. I want to focus this site on women, women's issues, electing women and most importantly, electing a mother as President.
I also am a human male who truly does think women are sex objects just like men are sex objects. Without sex, without horniness the species would have died off long ago. So you women reading and getting steamed, get over it. Try to realize that just as Barack Obama redefined the rules of making a black man President, it is time to remake and rethink the old rules of feminism. Afterall, most of those "feminists" did not support a woman VP candidate because she did not pass the "progressive" test.
Back to me and my recent fuck up. It's taken me a couple of weeks to realize what I did and even some of my women friends and fellow bloggers did not catch it. Now mind you it may be my imagination but I think what I did lost us a very dear woman, a friend I've never met whom we so desperately need writing for this blog. I hope I'm the reason because otherwise it means she's had an illness or problems we aren't aware of.
I used my Web Master, admin, moderator power to publicly abuse this woman on my blog and I am forever sorry. I thought I was kidding around, playing and joking as NewHampster tends to do. But being an asshole guy I totally missed the fact that a {SLAP} is no better than a man abusing a woman. We had apologies and a little communication but looking back I realize that my apology was never accepted. And why should it be?
Because I'm trying to grow into a feminist and it is expected that a man will not learn so fast and dang it but my ADD sometimes gets a hold of me too and I truly do not know what I'm saying.
But her not coming back is what I would hope from a strong woman. It's what I had hoped from our Hillary but failed to see. Returning to Partizane and forgiving me my transgression would in fact be returning to the abuser, the scene of the abuse. And isn't that what we want to stop?
So I'm in a quandary. I so dearly want her back here helping us in the long future battle to bring a woman to the White House, but I don't want her going against her feminist morals to return to the scene of the abuse.
I'm also quite certain, having known myself for 57 years, that this is not that last dumb thing I'll do. I can just hope that my women friends realize that me and many other men are trying the best we can. Just because we don't succeed on the first try is no reason to abandon all hope.
OY
- NewHampster's blog
- Login or register to post comments
Hate to break it to you, but you're a feminist!
I hope so
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
As a matter of fact, historical research is beginning to reveal she and Jesus were husband and wife and may have produced at least one child, a female, nemed Sara, when Mary M escaped to France after the Crucifiction.
For hundreds of years, the Catholic Church has promoted the rumor Mary Magdalane was a whore. She wasn't. She was not only Jesus's favorite but his wife. Historians are getting the sense he left her in charge, not Peter as is their traditional belief.
OY, is right!
you never said who you think you insulted... and my crystal ball is at the car wash.
and I do believe Mary was his wife. I read Dan Brown too.
MM was a poor comparison but it gets the point across. Then again maybe she was the first modern victim of misoginy.
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
I can agree with. Yes, MM is a good example of misogyny especially, character assassination.
I haven't read Dan Brown's book, but I did see the movie, The DaVinci Code. My examples were based on historical Religious examples more than Brown's blockbuster movie. I read recently, Brown thinks he discovered the Tomb of Jesus and Mary, buried together. Currently, still doing dna testing to assertian, authenticity and verification of same.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Magdalene
Being human we all spend much of our lives with a foot stuck in our mouth. Some more than others but all of us from time to time. You did the stupid and you apologized. Not much more you can do pal.
However, the fact that you attempt, on a daily basis to be aware of and concerned for the problems of inequality and misogyny makes you far superior to the 50% of the male population and 40% of the female population that spends a good share of their time denigrating women. They are consciously and repeatedly harmful to women. Their misogyny is as much a part of thier DNA as racism is for other kinds of bigots.
Perhaps your friend is just taking a time out to reassess your relationship. Perhaps she just needs time to "forgive" a momentary stupidity. But if she is a good friend and is as smart as you seem to think she is, she will come back. She will come back because someone who consciously "tries" to be a feminist is someone we need and want amongst our friends.
Just my take for whatever it's worth.
A Dishonest/Biased Media Is A Crime Against Democracy!
being a guy I'm never quite sure if I'm headed right and we really do hate to ask for directions.
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
(at least, I don't think I am). Trying counts for a lot.
When you apologized, did you just say you were sorry, or try to understand why your actions were offensive? (it sounds like the latter, but this would by my first criteria for distinguishing between asking someone to return to an 'abuser' and asking for forgiveness for a f*ckup). Would you do the same again? or are you changing your behavior?
Everyone is a knucklehead sometimes, it's a characteristic that knows no gender, age, or race. Feminism is about understanding our gender-motivated thinking and behavior and eliminating it (or at least controlling for it). It's hard to tell from your description whether this was really a gender-related incident. The problem with the abuser analogy is that the abuser, even when sincerely sorry, doesn't change his behavior, just periodically feels bad about it. That doesn't sound like your situation (but of course only you know one way or another).
And, with all irreverent respect, I won't just 'get over it' on the porn thing. Sex and porn are not the same thing. Conflating the two is the practice that frames anti-porn feminists as prudes (and a variety of other more crudely derogatory terms, most of which we've seen prominently displayed this year). Porn is just as much a gender-biased expression of human sexuality as, say, the types of criticism directed at this year's female candidates for top political spots. (in fact, I would argue it's one of the worst for a variety of reasons, but I don't want to make this comment into a tome, oops, too late). Like all gender-biased expressions, it is often extremely damaging to girls and women.
Also, the objectification of men and the objectification of women is a false equivalence; the existence of both does not prove the equal measure of both, or mean the damage done by both is equal. Random factoid: I was just today reading in EW that hip-hop record labels are intentionally shying away from promoting female hip-hop stars because (they say) the costs for makeup and stylists for a female singer are 20 times that for a male.
The fact that male sexual objectification is increasing is not a good thing (I'd say it's at its highest of any point in time in the last 50 years, easily). I really, really don't want to achieve equality for women by increasing the extent to which men are judged not on their personal qualities but on their attractiveness. It should go the other way.
Ok, sorry for the diatribe. I tried to let those ones pass but couldn't.
I very much hope your friend reads your post and considers returning. And thanks for tackling becoming a feminist; if only more people bothered to look beyond the crude stereotypes and find out what it really means, I think we'd all be better off!
I'm not going to respond right now because you have given me so much food for thought that to answer off the cuff would be, whatever that word is, trite.
Thank you and please know how much I appreciate your open and honest comment.
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
Just wanted to say I love your blog, always, even when I don't fully agree with you. It may be due to a crankiness we have in common that transcends all other qualities.
Ix-nay on the orn-pay topic.
It's a guy thing, and anything you say will be used against you.
I myself would never use the stuff.
problem is I'm too honest and don't know when to shut the trap
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
of any kind whether directed at men or women leads to dehumanization. One can feel sexual desire (and satisfaction) w/o objectifying "other". And this isn't a guy thing either trust me.
Red Hot & Blue Politics | Don't blame me, I voted for Hillary
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain
you're not the only one who needs to apologize.
the thing which got you in trouble - as evidenced today over at No Quarter. Ahh! A guy having sexual thoughts! Nothing else he ever says is worth listening to. Apparently the theory must be that feminists are anti-sex.
Down with exploitative and/or negative depictions of sex acts involving women! Other than that, vive la difference, eh?
Independently adrift
Liz, what I really can't stand and could make us no better than the far right, is the notion that things are black and white. right or wrong with no in between.
that one on NoQ has her own demons to deal with but I won't venture a guess.
Don't Blame Me! - I Voted for Hillary
McGovern - Carter - Mondale - Dukakis - Clinton - Gore - Kerry - McCain